I have a few hundred messages and and so much stuff to view here. So, I'm sorry if I haven't been commenting alot. Sorry for the abandonment, guys and girls. I'm on it.

Things have been a mental at the minute. I've had a shitload of medical appointments, so I've been running around all over the show. There's also been babies poping up all over the family circle, job interviews and a bunch of other stuff keeping me offline more than often.

I had blood tests done this week and my electrolytes are screwy and I have anemia again. The former would expain why I've been having hot flashes and a runny nose everytime I eat (TMI TMI!), I thought I was going mad for a minute. In short my GP is pissed with my self-negligence, further weightloss, tongue-in-check comments and being 'sassy'. First of all; I have never in my life heared anyone from this country use the term 'sassy'. Second of all, I have now come to realise that being 'sassy' is in fact my defense mechanism for just about everything. *snaps fingers like a large African American women*.

My psychiatrist wasn't too bad.
We talked about how things were going with on the ED front and I told her that yes, I'd relapsed, but I didn't think it was the right time for recovery. She said that it was fine, but if I ever wanted to go back to working on it, I'd always have the oppertunity to get out of the 'guilded cage' (lawlz!) and work on freeing myself up when I was ready. That she understood why I felt safe and wasn't prepared to give-up the control, when so many other aspects of my life are still needing tended to.

She also changed my meds/dosage and understood my worries about my mood snowballing into something uncontrollable again. Even the subconsious reassurance my be enough to stop my worries about falling back into an ungodly depressive phase. A placebo effect, I guess.

I make an effort to eat more like a normal person, with the help of too many people wasting their time. Scratch that. Normal people tend to be unhappy, but then again so am I. I still eat like an athlete... An athlete with brain damage maybe? Maybe I just need to scrap the whole recovery thing and work on surviving with the chips I've been dealt. NOM NOM NOM... Chips.

So to conclude, it hurts and everyone has to be really really nice to me and give me presents. I think that's a fair assessment.

Oooooh lookie! [link]
They must have changed anorexia since I had it. I remember it as more of an expression of self disgust and a desire to translate the inner sense of repulsion to the physical, in order to isolate and protect yourself from failure and rejection. But hey, in 2008 it's all about being sexy.

Right.

Do these people realise that anorexia is not striving to be 125lb? That's called a diet. Or maybe I'm just not trendy enough. Booo.

Reading this makes me wonder why the hell I make little bits of my ED-related wankery public on here.
Then I remembered the presents.

</end sassy tounging of the cheek>